Being a new mom can be overwhelming, and how to start sleep training/sleep shaping your baby is no exception. As you may already know, crying can be part of the process of teaching your baby to sleep through the night, but it doesn’t have to be. How much crying/protesting should you realistically expect?
The amount of crying or resistance that comes along with sleep training depends on several factors such as the age and temperament of your baby. Generally speaking, younger babies tend to cry less during this process as you’re really not sleep training, your sleep shaping. So while there may be some fussing and squawking theres no long term crying at all. Theres a big difference between letting a baby get their cries out when they need to and doing CIO. One you’re allowing your baby to get some much needed energy out and the other you’re letting your baby cry until they’re asleep. These re radically different approaches even though they both involve some crying. Additionally, some infants simply have more difficulty adjusting to change than others due to their individual temperaments or personalities; if your little one falls into this category then it’s likely that there will be more tears shed throughout the transition period but remember you can be there to support your baby throughout the process of change. Eventually your baby will be able to consistently rest peacefully through most nights without interruption and frequent awakenings requiring parental intervention (i.e., rocking/feeding) will be a thing of the past. With a young baby this can take a few months and with an older baby change can happen quickly, especially once they are developmentally capable of sleeping all night.
So how are you supposed to know how much crying is too much when you are working through the sleep training process with your little one? Ultimately, when you’re trying to incorporate changes into your child’s current routine, know that they may put up a fuss! Change isn’t preferred by anybody, but once we make those positive changes, we are generally much better off! The same is true for your child as it is for you as an adult. (You can just communicate a little better!) Change can be uncomfortable, but changing habits and routines that are inhibiting sleep for your family is always worth it in my opinion!
So often I hear parents say things like…
“Won’t my kids have trust issues as adults if I let them cry”…
“Everyone says that they can’t self-soothe until they are 3 or older”…
“I feel like a horrible mom who’s damaging my child by letting them cry”…
Just remember these things! Your little one is safe, loved and happy. You care for them day in and day out and meet all their emotional and physical needs in a timely manner. If you didn’t care about prioritizing their sleep & health you wouldn’t be doing the research and looking for the help and support that you are right now. All of this is just part of the natural process of watching and participating in your little one growing up. Helping them to grow and learn skills and habits that ultimately lead to better health and better sleep for everyone. This is not going to damage them, its truly meeting one of their most basic fundamental needs. Teaching your child to sleep is teaching them a life skill that they will need for the rest of their lives. It’s like teaching them to feed themselves. Can you imagine if you never taught your child to feed themselves and just kept doing it for them once they were totally capable of feeding themselves? Of course not! Why would you deprive them of learning something that they need to survive and rob them of the opportunity to learn. The truth is you wouldn’t.
In any case, – whether your child cries for 2 minutes, 5 minutes or sometimes longer, its always important to assess the why behind the cry and base your responses on what your baby actually needs and not just respond based on emotions. – If your baby needs comfort then give comfort but rescuing them from that situation is generally not going to yield great results. It’s also important to not give up! This is why having a sleep coach by your side can many times be the difference between success and failure. You need to be able to pivot and tweak when necessary and most parents simply don’t know how or when to do that. And remember, the goal here isn’t necessarily about removing ALL tears but rather helping your child learn healthy habits that begin to feel normal to them. The goal is for your child to get enough quality, restorative sleep which ultimately leads towards better overall health outcomes both now and later down the road. In other words: stick with it mama – even when things seem tough – because soon enough those sleepless nights can become distant memories replaced by peaceful sleep instead 🙂